January 17, 2008
· Filed under Love, Social Love, Social Support, Valentine's Day, boyfriend, dating, divorce, girlfriend, monogamy, relationships · Tagged boyfriend, divorce, girlfriend, goodbye, Love, marriage, monogamy, relationship
I’m wondering if we are living too long now to be with one person. I say this because a friend reminded me the other day that humans use to only live until their 30s and it was no big deal to be with someone for 10-20 years because that was your lifetime. Now we are living until our 80s, 90s and that means if we are married sometime in our 20s or 30s then we would theoretically be with one person for more than 50 years! That’s a helluva long time to be with one person. On top of that, genetically speaking humans really aren’t meant to be monogamous.
We all go through phases as we age and our needs change. What I wanted when I was a teenager was different in my 20s and is again changing in my 30s.
So what I’m asking here is along with the two, three or more phases in our lives, multiple career changes, should we have a different partner for each phase?
Something to listen to while you ponder this – Goodbye my Lover by James Blunt.
January 16, 2008
· Filed under Love, Social Love, Social Support, Valentine's Day, boyfriend, crush, dating, girlfriend, love at first sight, lust, relationships, romance, romantic · Tagged boyfriend, crush, dating, girlfriend, Love, love at first site, lust, relationship, romance, romantic, valentine, Valentine's Day
This is part one of this topic as I think there are many angles to approaching this subject. All I really have to say is that Wikipedia has a topic on this and therefor it is worth exploring. 
Romeo and Juliet is an obvious example of this phenomenon and I would like to think that this was the case between the lead characters in one of my favorite movies, Contact.
Wikipedia also provided some songs related to this :
The song “Are You Lonesome Tonight?” contains the statement: “I loved you at first glance.”
The song “With a Little Help From My Friends” has the lyric: “Do you believe in love at first sight? Yes, I’m certain it happens all the time.”
The popular song “Love At First Sight” by Kylie Minogue describes this phenomenon.
I had lunch with a friend today and he claimed to have experienced this magnetic attraction on several occassions over the last year. For me, it has happened less than I can count on one hand. The latest experience is something I need to think about more because it was unexpected and inconvenient timing. I think that’s when it happens though – when it is least expected. You can’t look for it or even hope it will happen, and you definitely can’t control it when it does.
January 15, 2008
· Filed under Love, Social Love, Social Support, Valentine's Day, dating, relationships · Tagged boyfriend, cards, dating, divorce, engaged, flowers, girlfriend, hallmark, hate, Love, marriage, relationship, valentine, Valentine's Day
How many times have you thought, “that person is so out of my league?” I started thinking about this the other day when I was out at the bar with some girlfriends. I’m not really a big bar-goer, but I decided that I need more female bonding and this group of gals likes to par-tay so I went to an Irish bar downtown. I jokingly said that we needed some boys to come talk to us, and one of the girls took this as a dare and promptly got up and walked over to a couple of guys. I was out of ear shot but I saw her pointing at me and then she brought them over to our table. I was standing near to one of the guys and she started interviewing him on my behalf. She must have approved because she left us to get acquainted. I wasn’t really prepared to be having conversations with the opposite sex so I made small talk. Then all of a sudden the guy says to me “Girls like you don’t really come up and just start talking to guys like me. Why did you decide to talk to me?” I was caught off guard with this comment and didn’t really know what to say, so I curtly responded “I’m not sure what that means, but I’m just here to hang with girlfriends and am not looking for anything. Nice to meet you, gotta go.” That was it, he walked away. I’m a pretty open and friendly person and was offended because he was suggesting that I was some sort of snob. Now that I have thought about it some more, he must have gotten shot down enough times or was never approached. Who knows, maybe he hasn’t ever taken the chance before himself.
On the flip side, I was watching a band the other day and a couple of us thought the guitar player would be fun to talk to. I thought, no way, that guy probably has a million girls talking to him all the time, he’s totally out of my league. My friend promptly got on stage and asked him to come over. Well, he did! Unfortunately there were too many of us and some started laughing. I think he was embarrassed or annoyed and kind of walked away. Oops.
India has a definite caste system, but there is some other kind of caste system that is applied between men and women. It can be more obvious like how movie stars stick with their own kind and rarely date “normal” people. People on the face of Fortune tend to stick to high profile types, and then there is more obvious matching between income levels, education, and to this day, race.
I like the Cinderella stories where the movie star wed regular people like in the case of Matt Damon. Or friends of Indian origin that are of different castes run off to elope to escape their families criticism. There’s even that cheesy movie Hitch with Will Smith where he hooks up some average Joe with a gorgeous millionnaire.
My thought is that anything is possible, and you just need to put yourself out there. It’s really a roll of the dice, but you may discover that that girl or guy that looks beyond your reach is really just shy or uncomfortable and is hoping someone like you will take a chance and go talk to them. Oh, and if you do, be sure not to criticize them with stereotyping!
Two songs for you today: “Two Princes” by the Spin Doctors and “Hello” by Lionel Ritchie.
Take a chance out there, and make your own own league!
January 14, 2008
· Filed under Love, Social Love, Social Support, Valentine's Day · Tagged boyfriend, cards, divorce, engaged, flowers, girlfriend, hallmark, hate, Love, marriage, relationship, valentine, Valentine's Day
Starting today and until February 14th, this blog will be dedicated to all of you out there….whether in love, out of love, spited by love, hoping for love - this is for you.
Over the last few years I have entirely ignored Valentine’s Day. What was the point? Once you’re with someone it seems to lose it’s significance and when you’re not with someone then it’s a day you want to avoid with a 10 foot pole.
This is an experiment to see if I can change my mind about this day that has brought so much joy and heartache. I’m hoping to bring us all together and reflect on past experiences, understand present situations and project hope for the future.
To quote Russell Baker, “Misery no longer loves company. Nowadays it insists on it.”
Kicking us off, here’s a song that I think is appropriate, “I want to know what love is” by Foreigner.
I chose this song because I think it’s a question that pops up no matter what stage of a relationship you’re in - in one, out of one, want one. Sometimes you need to just stop and think about what it is you want and what it is you’re getting into.
I hope to hear from you and what your plans are for Valentine’s Day.
